Worthless (or at least worth less) that
is what I thought mental health issues would make me… I thought they´d make you
less of a human. Clearly I was wrong – we are who we are and it is perfectly
okay to struggle. You will struggle with your life choices – with yourself –
with the world itself. No matter if it is depression, anxiety, something else
or simply a mild struggle: it does never affect your worth or makes you
anything less. We are not less of a friend, partner or employee for our
struggles. We are still us! Our society however has a problem with openly
discussing them in a non-judgemental way. It teaches us to keep our
feelings to ourselves, as we for instance aren´t supposed to cry or be overly
emotional in public. Therefore it is implied that feeling those feelings is not
okay and makes you an outcast. Mental health issues are all too often
frowned upon.
I myself had my very own issues with the
mental health that I used to take for granted. Why? From 2016-2018 I studied
law and loved it at first, yet I did not quit once it started to make me
unhappy and felt like the wrong path… I kept going and ignored those feelings.
As a result of the pressure and my unhappiness I began to struggle with
tinnitus and experienced an ever-growing feeling of numbness. So from mid-2017
to mid-2018 I struggled with a mild depression, anxiety, numbness and a
tinnitus because of sticking to life choices that didn´t make me happy. I studied
the wrong thing, was to afraid to admit it and as a result kind of lost myself.
I kept quiet and felt ashamed – but above all I didn´t want to be a burden to
my loved ones or cause them any unhappiness by speaking out and telling them
the painful truth. What shocked me the most is that it turns out that
speaking out and getting help is not as easy as it should be. Because if you
want to do therapy and have your health insurance cover it you automatically
lessen your job chances. An appointment as a tentured German civil servant is
way less likely for instance if you received therapy – this stigmatization has
to stop. Because Therapy can help you … and doesn´t make you damaged
goods. So why am I writing this and possibly ruining my future job chances
you may ask yourselves now – well after making the experiences I did I´ve
decided that this is no way for our society to function. The only thing we will
accomplish by keeping this up is ruin our youth. We need to start having an
open conversation about issues like these.
So yes I AM OKAY NOW. It took a lot of
suffering and soul searching for me to realize the path I was on was wrong for
ME personally. But I was lucky that there are so many brave souls out there
that are incredibly open about their emotions and struggles. They inspired me,
made me feels less alone and more normal. I really don´t know where I´d be at
without them or without music to guide and strengthen me. I am not so silly
that I think I am inspiring or anything but I decided that you yourself need to
be the change you want to see in the world. Which is why I am here with you
sharing my feelings and thoughts, my path and my struggles. And I vow to do
that as honestly and as raw as possible – because that is what I always find
myself connecting and responding strongest to : the content of truthful human
beings.
When even my hobbies didn´t bring me joy
anymore music was my rock! I would like to extend a special thanks to Taylor
Swift here, because during the last 10 years she has supported
me endlessly through her music and through her honest poetic
songwriting. Thank you for all the life lessons you thought me - I don´t know
who or where in life I´d be without your emotional support … thank you for
making me feel less alone and weird when I did ( and for countless dance
parties) <3 and I want to thank my parents for flying to Dublin with me to
see her this summer – I don´t think they could ever grasp how important this
was for me … I don´t think words could ever do that. But knowing I would finally
get to see her gave me something to hold onto and look forward to during the
toughest of times <3
But back to my path: I quit law school.
This did not quit the struggle though. This kind of a choice and change in life
is something that weights on you as well. It feels life free falling - like
jumping without a parachute. It does until you have your new path and even
when you do have it you still find yourself haunted by what if´s. This does not
mean I am not happy now though. I truly am because I decided that I would value
my own happiness and mental health over my constant need to prove myself
through success and degrees. Because success only feels truly meaningfull when
it feels like your own. So I mustered up my courage and am now studying fashion
management and following my passion for fashion and economics. Anyways finding
yourself and your center again takes a while. The numbness doesn´t just
fade away automatically, neither does caring about nothing and losing your
drive. Once you lost who you are and what makes you you… even when you get it
back it takes a while and still is not the same. I for one was always super
passionate, very driven, a ball of joy, very happy kind of kid through all the
hardships life would throw at me. I´d see life with rose tinted glasses,
everything was exciting and growing up I loved nothing more than holding onto
my child-like whims and always enjoyed making others happy. You could also call
it naivety. For a while still most of this was gone - I didn´t give a
fuck anymore … all I felt was numb an burned out. Instead of being truly happy
I became good at pretending I was – too good ! A word of advise never get to
good at pretending – get good at being real and honest. Now I am happy again,
my rose tinted glasses however are still gone. Maybe I will get them back
alongside my drive and my trust into myself – I hope I do ! It may just take a
bit more time or it is called adulting and I won´t, we´ll see! <3
This darker side of me is probably as
new to those who know me well as it is to those who don´t … I guard it well
normally, but to come back on here and in life I couldn´t just pretend nothing
happened when everything had happened, I needed a sense of honesty – A REAL
BANG. Still I don’t want anyone to worry, the existence of darker feeling in my
rather sunny soul and being doesn´t make that sun less shiny or true. The sun
would be nothing without the moon just like my happiness is not fake for my
unhappy feelings or experiences.
I realize that this is a rather intense
post for a comeback, but it is all or nothing on this matter and the truth
deserves everything. It was the only way for me to do it and is in my opinion
the perfect way to start into a positive 2019 with as little negative baggage
as possible. I am wiser and stronger and happy for it. I can look back on law
school and appreciate, see the good sides, its value and the things I learned
for life now. My past and my choices are no regrets or burnt topics, they don´t
define me or feel like a failure anymore. I am looking forward to my future and
new career path in fashion, still my love for law and politics will always
persist.
Furthermore I have decided to value my
happiness and mental health above all else going forward. I made the mistake of
snorting about topics like that of mental health thinking it didn´t concern me
until it did and did not take it seriously enough. I took my mental health for
granted when I had it - don´t do that! The world does not teach us to… all it
does is whisper about those who struggle with themselves causing many of those
who struggle to suffer in the shadows alone. So Speak out – connect – don´t be
afraid – don´t be ashamed – it gets better <3 – you are whole
even when your mind isn´t & you are worth just as much as everyone else no
matter what your mind or society tells you. We can never let society with its
way of silencing the conversation about mental health win.
No matter if you struggle or not or
know anyone who is or not - I have something here I´d like you to listen to: the
words of wisedom of Imagine Dragons frontman Dan Reynolds when performing his song"Demons" (my anthem
when I was bullied in school) at Lollapalooza Berlin 2018. You can watch the video here, his little speech goes from 1:16:08 to 1:17:15.
Here´s an excerpt of Taylor Swift´s “Clean Speech” during her 1989 world tour that has helped me
majorly and might help you realize some important things too (or so I hope):
I think that it is probably very possible that a lot of you have experienced a lot of rainy days that never really got brighter, or maybe you fell in love with a person or something that is bad for you and couldn’t quit, or maybe you lost someone that you never expected that you would lose, or maybe you lost yourself; that’s even worse. When you have bad days that just won’t let up, I just hope that you will look in the mirror and remind yourself of what you are, and what you are not. You are not your mistakes. You are not damaged goods or muddy from your failed explorations. You are not the opinion of someone who doesn’t know you. You are a product of the lessons you have learned. You are wiser because you went through something terrible. And you are the person who survived a bunch of rainstorms and kept walking. I… I now believe that pain makes you stronger. I now believe that walking through a lot of rainstorms gets you clean. – Taylor Swift
P.S: For everyone thinking the pictures
don´t match the text: They are supposed to not match and show you that mental
health problems don´t make you damaged goods. (And that they can be both overcome or simply
invisible… so be mindful and kind - you never know what others are going
through!)
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There is nothing as important as feeling comfortable in your own skin. But sadly it has become increasingly difficult for everyone, but especially for young people to feel good about themselves. Instead we often feel torn apart by the ridiculous beauty standards of our superficial society. Around every corner there is someone telling you eat this, do that, work out a certain way and not any onther way. Apparently there are countless conflicting ways that lead to utter happiness, beauty and perfection - of course every one of them is the only way. From personal experience I know that it is very difficult not to get lost in this jungle or go down the road of feeling imperfect when scrolling though the perfectly arranged social media account of people with seemingly perfect lives and bodies.
To avoid this I realized that it is extremely important to take good care of yourself and your body in order to feel your best. This way it becomes so much easier to feel good about what you have and learn to rock your own definition of worth-while, exciting and beautiful. I personally know that this sometimes is way more easily said than done though. Key in not only those trying times, but always is to have the right products on your hands to help stand your grounds and feel good about what you´ve got.
Therefore I was extremely thrilled that I got the chance to test out these amazing Dr. Severin products of my choice. Dr. Severin is a german brand that is known for its very high quality. As I happen to have very delicate skin this is perfect for me. On top of that my skin is quite flawed so testing the Aequoreus Enzyme Sea Salt Peeling as well as the Blackhead Remover Peel-Off-Mask was a no brainer for me.
About the Brand
Dr. Severin developes and produces in Germany with all natural ingredients. All of their products are vegan and free of parabens, aluminium and alcohol. They produce high quality, strictly tested and customer proven skin care products for both women and men. Their products include among others many after-shave products that are perfect to keep delicate skin from getting stressed by shaving.
As an animal lover I am also very pleased to inform you that Dr. Severin works its laboratory tests without any animal testing. Furthermore they work hard to preserve the environment and reduce unnecessary pollution by engaging in a number of different projects.
That way you can use the products that make you feel good and all in good concience.
That way you can use the products that make you feel good and all in good concience.
Aequoreus Enzyme Sea Salt Peeling
Alright let´s dive into it - the Dr. Severin Aequoreus Enzyme Sea Salt Peeling is a cleansing and cooling body peeling. By combining sea salt and papaya enzymes it makes it your best friend after shaving to prevent common annoying side-effects such as ingrown hairs. The fine sea salt crystals from the Dead Sea gently cleanse your skin while at the same time the papaya enzymes stimulate and speed up your skins recovery.
I personally use the peeling not only after and before shaving, but regularly. It makes my legs super smooth and also helps with the slight discolorations on my legs from old shaving scars. On top of that I love the moisturizing finish it leaves behind - making the skin feel healthy, renewed and revitalized.
Unlike most other peelings this one isn´t fluid instead it has a more grainy consistency. At first I thought this to be unusual and weird as it makes the application a little more difficult. I tended to loose half of the product on the way to my leg in the beginning. Good news is I got the hang of it quickly and have grown to really like the consistency as it makes for a more efficient feel and rubs in niecly!
On top of all this the peeling comes with a rather strong, but nice tropical smell. The summery note becomes less intense once you have used the product. Still it leaves a very nice faint smell behind that lifts your spirits throughout the day.
Blackhead Remover Peel-Off-Mask
I personally use the peeling not only after and before shaving, but regularly. It makes my legs super smooth and also helps with the slight discolorations on my legs from old shaving scars. On top of that I love the moisturizing finish it leaves behind - making the skin feel healthy, renewed and revitalized.
Unlike most other peelings this one isn´t fluid instead it has a more grainy consistency. At first I thought this to be unusual and weird as it makes the application a little more difficult. I tended to loose half of the product on the way to my leg in the beginning. Good news is I got the hang of it quickly and have grown to really like the consistency as it makes for a more efficient feel and rubs in niecly!
On top of all this the peeling comes with a rather strong, but nice tropical smell. The summery note becomes less intense once you have used the product. Still it leaves a very nice faint smell behind that lifts your spirits throughout the day.
Blackhead Remover Peel-Off-Mask
The Peel-Off Mask empowered with activated charcoal is ideal to give even gentle skin a nice deep cleansing. The mask consists out of a combination of dead sea mud and activated charcoal, it also features a subtle summery fragrance for a real feel-good experience.
Personally I was a bit scared of actually testing this one even though I had personally picked it. My only exprience with peel-off masks so far were viral internt videos during which people screamed in agony as they accidentally pulled half their eyebrows off as they removed selfmade charcoal masks. Luckily it wasn´t like that at all ( you might have been able to guess this one on your own ) and I was more than pleasantly surprised - that I can assure you!
Both the application (even though I made a bit of a mess in the bathroom) and the removal were very easy and super pleasant. The smooth texture guarantees a simple application. And removing the mask is not painful at all as it only requires subtle and slight pulling.
A hopefully helpfull sidenote for everyone struggeling with blemishes: Activated charcoal is one of the best ingredients to get rid of your blemishes. If your main goal is to archive an overall good feeling about your skin - this is for you.
Moving on with my face mask experience: I really loved how effective the treatment felt throughout the whole process. After using the product my facial skin looked glowing, fresh and radiant as by using the mask my skin was succesfully ridened of old skin, small hairs and any kinds of dirt left on my face. My face really did feel noticeably better and my complexion improved right away. Sadly the mask did not remove as many blackheads as i had anticipated it to. Therefore I would not recommend it to you if your main goal is pulling blackheads out. Still I do recommend it to improve the overall well-being of your facial skin. It was effective and left my face behind looking super fresh faced.
Personally I was a bit scared of actually testing this one even though I had personally picked it. My only exprience with peel-off masks so far were viral internt videos during which people screamed in agony as they accidentally pulled half their eyebrows off as they removed selfmade charcoal masks. Luckily it wasn´t like that at all ( you might have been able to guess this one on your own ) and I was more than pleasantly surprised - that I can assure you!
Both the application (even though I made a bit of a mess in the bathroom) and the removal were very easy and super pleasant. The smooth texture guarantees a simple application. And removing the mask is not painful at all as it only requires subtle and slight pulling.
A hopefully helpfull sidenote for everyone struggeling with blemishes: Activated charcoal is one of the best ingredients to get rid of your blemishes. If your main goal is to archive an overall good feeling about your skin - this is for you.
Moving on with my face mask experience: I really loved how effective the treatment felt throughout the whole process. After using the product my facial skin looked glowing, fresh and radiant as by using the mask my skin was succesfully ridened of old skin, small hairs and any kinds of dirt left on my face. My face really did feel noticeably better and my complexion improved right away. Sadly the mask did not remove as many blackheads as i had anticipated it to. Therefore I would not recommend it to you if your main goal is pulling blackheads out. Still I do recommend it to improve the overall well-being of your facial skin. It was effective and left my face behind looking super fresh faced.
I do sincerely recommend both products.
With Coachella just around the corner and the upcoming festival season I decided to post a summery throwback look alongside some festival fashion and survival tips !
While I personally have not yet been to Coachella ( someone take me please ? ) I love festivals and went to Lollapalloza Berlin last year.
I adored it - embracing the music, finally being able to wear all the glitter in the world without being judged and taking a dive into the bold bohemian and fun festival fashion world ? I mean isn´t this a dream come true !? A whole weekend of feeling free and being whoever you want to be!
I had so much fun with my friends as we danced day and night away to the tunes of some of the best musical artists ever <3
I will never ever forget the epic experience of being pretty much front and center as the `Foo Fighters` performed - the wildest and best crowd I´ve ever been in! It was insane ... rocking on for 2 hours straight even though we had already been raving at Lolla for more than 10 hours so tell me about exhaustion and bleeding feet... still we were super energized! I loved every second of it... pure excitement and one hell of an adrenaline rush <3
We also saw `The XX`, Ann-Marie, `Mumford and Sons`, `George Ezra`, `Materia`, `Beatsteaks`, Ànnenmaykanterei`and many more <3 they all were amazing!
SO HERE IS MY SURVIVAL GUIDE:
1. Stay hydrated and make sure to hoard food and always have something to eat in your bag ( ALWAYS! )
2. Avoid queuing... use acts you aren´t too interested in to use the restroom, get food, water,...!
3. Bring ear plugs, band aids, hand sanitizer,blistering plasters, pain killers and some extra glitter
4. Wear comfortable shoes ( my feet were hurting for ages after that weekend )
5. Have fun, be free, wild and unbothered and enjoy the experience <3
6. Wear what makes you feel good and something that allows you to move freely
MY FASHION TIPS:
1. fringes, feathers, leather and suede are your friends
2. anything boho or hippieish goes
3. embrace glitter, braids and bold makeup looks
4. wear skin jewelery / tatoos and lots of real jewelery
5. style white and earthy tones alongside some pops of colour
6. choose one statement piece
7. wear comfortable booties
8. bring shades
9. flowy flower prints
10. bring a small cross-body bag or belt bag
11. long or short vests to complete the look
12. and last but not least: Always stay true to your style !!!
More fashion inspiration waits below <3 Have fun guys !
Some outfit ideas:
bags, hats, make-up & jewelery I love:
In my photos I have tried to capture the artsy and individualistic vibe of the city, as well as some of its history ...please let me know if I succeded <3
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I used to think skiing and looking fashionable at the same time was impossible ! I didn´t really mind it though... I was so used to not really loving my skiing outfits that I had become kind of indifferent to my looks whenever I hit the slopes.
But no more - first I found these dropdead gorgeous Bogner ski pants with their amazing snug fit. Next were the cool Billabong jacket and my favourite scarf that I purchased in beautiful france. And last but not least I finally found my perfect pink GIRO skiing googles after trying nearly a million different ones on. And of course I settled for an all pink monochromatic one... one that no one else seems to be rocking, which makes me even happier about my choice ! Add a statement turtleneck or pullover and you are good to go.
So yeah skiing in fashion is definetly possible even though it might take some time to assemble all the pieces for the perfect outfit. Looks might not matter too much when you are skiing, but for me feeling content with my outfit made the whole experience more worthwhile and exciting !!!
Also be aware that if you ever see a pink flash passing you by on the slopes at least according to my family it is probably me ! With my superfast Völkl racing skis nothing is more fun than racing down the slopes at a good speed ( safety first though ) <3
Also please check out my entire Shop ( here ) ... it is freshly updated - ENJOY !!!
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Still I like winter !!! When I think of it so many happy memories come to my mind. I think of warm fuzzy sweaters, freshly baked cookies, christmas or the rowdy snowball fights with my childhood best friend in the park. Given the fact that this friend was a guy and almost felt like a brother to me... these fight could get pretty rough, but were always in good fun. We had such fun together <3
So NO I do not hate winter, I like it ! I might not reallyenjoy the cold (at all) or waking up to a pitch-black sky in the morning, nevertheless I don´t mind it too much. There are just too many positive memories coming to my mind that I associate with winter to be bothered by those inconveniences. Also I personally don´t think that winter affects me or my mood negatively (or at least I like to pretend that). Though I get why winter in the city can kinda suck at times... with the pure powdery snow turning into a brown wet muddy something within seconds.
But you can always take look at the bright side and choose to enjoy it. Tackle winter fashionably and let it brighten your day (quite literally speaking). I for example splurged all my savings for this kenzo sweater and couldn´t be happier with my choice !
So look at the bright side and make a fashion-dream or two come true !!! <3
Also please check out my entire Shop ( here ) ... it is freshly updated - ENJOY !!!
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